in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
