Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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