I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
