All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
