I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
