She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
