I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
