so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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