nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
