My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
