duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
