I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
