he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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