You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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