I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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