just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
