shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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