Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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