I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
