How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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