I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
