I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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