Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
