Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
PANTIES FOUND
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