Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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