I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
