if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
