I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
