drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
