You made me cry and you don't even care
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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