Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
