dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
