i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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