did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
