8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
