Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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