I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't turn off my feet"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
