Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
