capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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