Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
