This is not my ceiling
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
