I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
