so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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