Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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