I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
