A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
