You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
