i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
