Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
