there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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