I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
