God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
