I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
