true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
