tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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