bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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