My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
