flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
