Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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