When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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