The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
