when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
