weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
