it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
