Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
