we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
