If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
