So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
