hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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