How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
