I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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